One year with Matt and Will

The boys turn one tomorrow which means we're throwing a party to celebrate the fact that we survived the first year of raising twins. Nothing could have ever prepared me for what it would be like to care for two babies, and nothing could have prepared me for the overwhelming amount of love I feel for Matt and Will.

One year ago tonight, I was in the hospital on bedrest hooked up to too many monitors to count. Little did I know that the next evening my water would break and my journey of motherhood would begin. It is sometimes hard looking back on those weeks prior to the boys' birth. They were filled with so much worry. Would the doctors be able to stop labor again? How early would the babies be born? Would they suffer any complications? How long would they stay in the NICU? And above all, what did I do wrong? I put up a good front and was the model patient, but inside I was fearful and blaming myself for putting my babies at risk. If only I had been able to eat. If only I had gotten enough protein. If only I had not worked so many hours. If only I had rested more. In the end nothing could stop my water from breaking at 33 weeks. It just happened as I was lying in the hospital bed. I knew immediately what it was and then layed there in bed, alone, afraid to call the nurse because I knew that the babies would be born that night- 7 weeks too soon.

During the many ultrasounds we had, we opted not to find out the sexes of the babies. We both felt it was the ultimate in surprises, although nothing surprised us more than finding out we were expecting twins. In the delivery room that night, I wasn't even concerned about the sexes. I was more concerned about hearing them cry and making sure they could breathe. Immediately after each boy was born, Will first followed by Matt, they were evaluated by a team of NICU staff and whisked off to their home for the next 5 weeks. Right before each boy was taken to the NICU, the nurse brought them to me, one at a time, and I briefly touched their heads. Thank goodness we have pictures of those precious moments of our newborns swaddled in their blankets looking like any other babies that had just come into the world. Because the next time I would see the boys they would no longer look like healthy newborns and instead be hooked up to IV's, leads, monitors and oxygen.

Now, on the eve of their first birthday, Matt and Will look like the picture of health. They are crawling, standing, cruising and babbling. Matt is daring. This morning I found him stretched out across his rocking chair trying to pull himself over to the exersaucer. He attempted this feat just the other day but ended up taking a nose dive to the floor and getting stuck between both toys. He's going to grow to a boy that will take a fall, get up and brush himself off and exclaim "didn't hurt" as he goes about his way. Matt loves the dogs. Every morning the boys take turns going with me to let them out of the pen. As soon as we walk outside, Matt starts pointing and exclaiming "da, da" which is certainly different from "da, da" his name for Chris.

Will experiences a full range of emotions. He's always the first to smile, laugh, cry or pout. When he's mad at me and I try to pick him up, he dramatically throws himself backwards and kicks his legs. He's definitely going to be a professional tantrum thrower. Will's smile lights up his face. He'll smile at just about anyone. Recently he went to lunch with daddy Chris, uncle Chris, Gran and Papa. Chris told me he was completely turned around in his high chair grinning at the women at the next table. He was enthralled and loved the attention.

The first year with Matt and Will has been a wild ride. My goal for the second year is to be better about documenting their lives. I hope this blog will help me accomplish just that.

Happy Birthday Little Bugs!

Love,
Mama